R is for Raunchy
by heartxcore
Summary: As Hermione doesn't recieve the honor of becoming the next Head Girl, she decides to rebel, and becomes a bit...saucy.
1. Chapter 1

_R is for Raunchy_  
D/Hr  
Summary: As Hermione doesn't recieve the honor of becoming the next Head Girl, she decides to rebel, and becomes a bit...saucy.

**Chapter One**

Hermione sat on her bed, still awestruck. She had not made Head Girl. How can this be happening?  
  
"I don't believe this. I know I am the smartest girl in the school, and I know Dumbledore likes me. Maybe he forgot the letter." She muttered to herself, pacing her room. She vaguely remembered Crookshanks yelping as her foot trod on his tail. "Sorry, Crookshanks, I didn't mean it."  
  
"Mione, darling, come on. You'll miss the train!" a voice called, drifting up the stairs, mixing well with the smell of sausage.  
  
"Oh, what?" she said, glancing at her watch. "Oh, my God, I'm running fifteen minutes late!" As Hermione walked down to the car with her mum, she thought of years gone by. The good times, and all the bad ones, too, Harry, Ron and her had shared came flooding back in a powerful wave. One time in particular stood out, Malfoy, squeaking as Professor Imposter Moody transfigured him into the amazing bouncing ferret.  
  
She nearly cried when she realized this was the last trip to King's Cross, the last trip to Hogwarts. After this year, she would probably never see the old castle that had grown on her again. She would never again walk its halls or wrestle with Peeves. "I'm going to make this year worthwhile. No holds barred. No more Granger the bookworm. Look out Hogwarts, because here I come!" she smiled with self- conviction.

"Draco? Wake up love; it's time to get ready, dear." Narcissa cooed as she pulled the blinds open, revealing an unsurprisingly emerald-and- silver motif in his room.  
  
"Mother, five more minutes." Draco grunted into his mattress, pillow over his head to drown out any visible light.  
  
"Do you want to miss the train, then?" She coyly smiled as she tore the silver sheets from his grasp, leaving him feeling cold and violated.  
  
"MOTHER!" He cried, embarrassed. Understandable enough, considering he was only in his silky green boxers.  
  
"Oh Draco, I've seen much more." Narcissa rolled her eyes. "I raised you, surprising as it is. When you were young you loved running around naked." She finished with a smirk, similar to Draco's trademarked one. His cheeks became Gryffindor-red as she continued.  
  
"Enough already. I know we love having our," he vehemently spat out the next word out, "father, gone now but really, Mother. Let's control ourselves."  
  
As he went to put on clothes he looked back at her, smiling, making his bed. She's been so happy ever since Lucius had been given the Dementor's Kiss. He gave a short chuckle, it sounded so morbid, but since his final Kiss, a darkness that had loomed over their household had finally been lifted.  
  
"Well," he sighed with an air of longing, "another year and, unfortunately, I didn't make Head Boy. Oh well, it doesn't matter; now I don't have to room with Granger." He breathed a sigh of relief, but his conscience was nagging at him, whispering, 'You know you don't hate her. Your father did. You don't..." and it vanished. He knew the voice was right, but he could never want to room with her, not after the way he's treated her."Whoa, my God! Hermione, you look hot!" Ron said gracefully through a mouthful of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans while he gave her a look of gratitude.  
  
"He's right, you know. You've changed." Ginny stated mid-hug, flipping her strawberry hair over her shoulder. Harry just sat on the blue- tartan seat, wide-eyed and speechless. Much to his delight, and surprise, Hermione lowered herself onto his lap and embraced him, smiling at her boldness. She remained seated, growing rather comfortable, and said "Hello" to the rest of her friends. She smiled dangerously at Ron and Ginny as Harry showed a look of fright that was visibly clear to Hermione.  
  
"See you later, Harry." Hermione winked saucily as she turned around, getting up and leaving to find Hannah Abbot. Of course, she couldn't leave without a sashay out the door, leaving the rest of the cabin in shock.  
  
"What was that? Harry, mate, are you not telling us something? Did you two...er...hook up over the summer, or something?" Ron looked pale and quite queasy.  
  
"I don't know. Honestly, Ron! Is she coming on to me, or something? Should I follow her? She does look hot, you got to admit. That skirt really shows off her legs, and if that top was any lower..." Harry shuddered with anticipation as he voiced his thoughts.  
  
"I'd go for it, mate." Ron said dully, looking crestfallen.  
  
"I don't know. Where did she go?" Harry asked, contemplating whether or not he should go find her.  
  
Ginny began to giggle. She managed to breathe, "She...went to...find...Hannah..." before lapsing into a fresh round of giggles.  
  
Ron and Harry both glared at Ginny as she continued to giggle, doubling over. "Come off it, boys. You were hilarious! Harry...the look on your face was priceless!" she shrieked as the cart witch tapped on their door.  
  
"Treats, anyone?"  
  
Harry was kind enough to buy everyone, even a hiccupping Ginny, something. As they devoured their delicious meal, they talked about their summer and how great it felt to be coming back to Hogwarts."That was fun!" Hermione giggled, clutching her side. "I wish I could've seen his face. I think my plan to shock them is working perfectly."  
  
"Miss Granger!" Hermione straightened and turned as she heard the sharp voice of Professor McGonagall. "Come with me. Here, just into the compartment."  
  
"Professor McGonagall, why are you..." Hermione's voice trailed off as she saw none other than Mr. Bouncing Ferret lounging just inside the door.  
  
"Have a seat and I shall be back with the others shortly." McGonagall nodded to Hermione.  
  
"You can sit here Hermione," Draco drawled seductively, using his poison honeyed voice, patting his thighs temptingly.  
  
"In your dreams, Ferret-Boy." She spat, glaring into his ice cold eyes.  
  
"My, my, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." He tutted ruefully, "But I see you did have ample time to get ready. You look...okay. For a Mudblood." He added hastily, realizing his mistake. He quickly recovered and resumed his previous activity as he shifted over to her side and put his hand on her thigh.  
  
"Malfoy, if you do not move that hand I will be forced to sever it from your body. And I will make sure it hurts as much as possible." Hermione managed to force through her gritted teeth as she stared into Draco's entrancing eyes. 'You know,' she thought. 'They really do look like an ocean...wait. What the hell am I saying?!'  
  
"Sorry, just trying to be friendly." He muttered, obviously taken by surprise. All girls he tried this on let him fuck them senseless, no matter what they said. Why was he stopping with Herm...Granger?  
  
"Well, thank you, Draco," Hermione said, startled by his abrupt change in plans. "But I don't think I'm quite ready, my stomach anyway, to have you touching me. However, I can tell you've changed drastically, too, and I hope we can be nicer to each other this year." Hermione said haughtily as she looked him up and down.  
  
'He really does look pretty damn hot.' A little voice inside her said. 'His arms would be so comfy, and those beautiful eyes, not to mention his tousled platinum blonde hair. Oh, my God. There I go again! What am I saying?! This is Malfoy. Not Harry. Not Ron. Get a grip, Hermione!' she scolded herself internally.  
  
He stared at her like she was from a different planet. "What? You want a picture? It'll last a lot longer." She snapped, not liking the effect he was having on her.  
  
"You called me Draco," he said, a hint of astonishment in his voice. Maybe this wasn't going to be a horrible, horrible year after all.  
  
"Yeah, I told you I hoped we could be a bit nicer to one another now, and I figure being on a first name basis is a good place to start." She smiled genuinely as she bit her bottom lip and became immersed in pushing back her cuticles.  
  
"Yeah, that's sounds good...Hermione." He said as he smirked out the window and thought about what fun this year was going to be.  
  
She loved the way her name sounded as it left his lips. Almost as if an angel had said her name. She felt her heart jump and shivers down her back, all the way to her fingers.  
  
'This is so weird,' she thought. 'I'm actually enjoying Malf...Draco's company and he's sending chills down my back, to boot!'  
  
As soon as this thought left her brain, McGonagall marched through the door with a very terrified Hannah Abbot and a very perplexed Padma Patil close behind.

* * *

**And the verdict is...? What do you think about our first fic? Please comment/flame/whatever the hell else you want to do. **

**Love from-**

**3 Chelsea and Susan 3**


	2. Chapter 2

_R is for Raunchy_  
D/Hr  
Summary: As Hermione doesn't recieve the honor of becoming the next Head Girl, she decides to rebel, and becomes a bit...saucy.

**Chapter 2**

"Please, children. Don't look so frightened," Professor McGonagall said with a slight chuckle. "No one is in trouble." A sigh of relief was audible throughout the cramped cabin. "In fact, it is quite the opposite. Professor Dumbledore decided that in light of the," she paused, looking around. "Events that took place last term; we will not have a Head Boy or a Head Girl this year. Instead, will we take the top student from each house and you will share a common room. There will be two bathrooms, and you will each have your own bedroom. You will complete the tasks the Heads normally do and will be an example to the other students." She finished dangerously; a threat intertwined secretly within her last sentence.  
  
"But Professor," Hermione started, wrinkling her brow in thought. "Why is Professor Dumbledore deciding to disturb the tradition set by Headmasters hundreds of years ago?"  
  
"Quite simple, Hermione, dear," Professor McGonagall nodded, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "After the defeat of Lord Voldemort, Dumbledore thinks it necessary to unite the houses and level the playing field, so to speak. You will get along nicely in an effort to bring together the four houses of Hogwarts." She narrowed her eyes to alarming slits, forcing them to nod meekly.

Malfoy slouched over in his seat, blowing his white-blonde hair out of his eyes. 'This is going to be a kick-ass year.' He thought, unable to contain a smirk of satisfaction, hard as he tried. 'I get to share a bloody common room and possibly bathroom with three hot girls. What guy could ask for more?' he shrugged carelessly, scanning the eye candy in the room. He felt his full-blown grin freeze in its place as his eyes found McGonagall and he noticed she was staring at him, tapping her foot impatiently.  
  
"I said will that be a problem, Draco?" She repeated, her left eye twitching in dismay.  
  
"Er..." He wasn't quite sure how to respond to her. He didn't know the question, so he replied confidently, "No, of course not!" He gave a half- shrug and turned to look at the sky, which, in a matter of minutes, turned from a navy blue to a midnight black.  
  
"Good," McGonagall sniffed. "It's settled then. Hannah and Padma, you two will share one bathroom, with Draco and Hermione in the other." She said as she got up and swiftly exited the cabin. Hannah and Padma exited at the same time, talking in excited voices and making animated gestures with their hands. Hermione sat there staring at Draco in disbelief; a look of surprise wrinkled her nose. 'What the fuck is he playing at?!' she thought apprehensively. 'I know we agreed to be civil to one another, but this is insane!'  
'Oh come on.' A hushed voice answered precariously. 'Don't fool yourself, he's hot and you know you want him.'  
'Give me a break!' the first voice said sternly. 'Even if I did want him, which is most definitely NOT TRUE, I would NEVER act on it.'  
"Would I?" she voiced out loud, starting at the sound of her voice. She realized then that Draco was still in the cabin. She blushed and muttered, "Sorry."  
  
Draco stood up and began to leave, looking at Hermione curiously. Hermione won the internal battle, siding with the second voice. Before she knew it, his collar was in her fists and he was shoved up against the sliding door of the cabin. He clutched the back of his head, moaning in pain. Before she could register what she had just done, her lips smashed into his, sending shivers down her spine. She pulled away and rasped, "Hang on to your ass. This is going to be a bumpy ride."  
  
She reached up for another kiss, boldly slipping her tongue in his mouth, caressing his. After a few more seconds of what she knew was torturous for him, she let go of his collar as quickly as she had attacked, smoothed her robes, waved her fingers and sauntered back to the cabin with Harry and Ron.  
  
Draco stood there, looking uncharacteristically ruffled and quite stunned.

* * *

**What do you guys think this time? We got 11 reviews for the first chapter...thanks for everything! We enjoyed squealing over the comments we received and we discussed them over the "felly-tone" for 15 minutes. So. Thank you to **GinnyGal189 **(Hah...oh, my man, Melissa! You are so cute. She _does _need a hose, doesn't she? Thanks for the comment!), **LilChocolateAngl **(Thanks. That gave both of us an ego boost. Not like we need it...), **oreo69not96 **(Sorry for the cliff-hanger. Again. I hope you do enjoy the story, though!), **karamgirl **(Yeah. Hermione has gone wild! Just kidding. She's not there. Yet. ::malicious grin::), **goddessofpurity** (Thank you muchly! I didn't even try to write like that. It just kinda came naturally. ;), **katrina **(That sounds like an interesting plot. You should write a fanfic! I'd read it 3), **Charolastras **(Much thanks, dear.), **alipotter **(Well! Thank you for boosting our egos even MORE!), **Insanity3 **(Thank you for adding us to your author alert! You made our days!!), and to our darling **Tina,** we love you muchly and thank you for being the first awesome review! Well, then. Now that our egos can't fit through the door...just remember to review. Tell us anything. Just as long as you review xD**

**3 Chels and Suz 3**


	3. Chapter 3

_R is for Raunchy  
_D/Hr  
Summary: As Hermione doesn't recieve the honor of becoming the next Head Girl, she decides to rebel, and becomes a bit...saucy.  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling, plot belongs to us.

**Chapter 3**

Hermione quickly found Harry and Ron on the platform, going to the carriages and called out to them.  
  
"HARRY! RON! SAVE A SEAT FOR ME, I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE!"  
  
"OKAY, MIONE!" Harry yelled back as he watched Ron slide into the nearest "horseless" carriage.  
  
The students poured into the Great Hall eagerly rushing to their usual seats at the house tables. After the ruckus had nearly ceased, Professor Dumbledore stood and began to speak. A hush quickly fell upon the crowd.  
  
"Welcome back to Hogwarts. And to you," he said looking to his left while the first-years started shuffling in, careful not to get lost from the group, moving along as a massive blob of wizards and witches. "Welcome to Hogwarts. Before the Sorting begins, I would like to inform you of a few changes we have made this year.  
  
"There will be no Head Boy or Head Girl this year," as soon as these words left Dumbledore's lips, a frantic buzzing took over the Great Hall. "However," Dumbledore continued, eyes twinkling, "there will be a representative from each house, sharing a Common Room and fulfilling the duties of Head Girl and Head Boy. A top student from each house has been picked to perform this task, in efforts to unite Hogwarts and reform the bonds made by the founders long ago.  
  
"From Hufflepuff, we will appoint Hannah Abbot as a co-Head Girl." Cheers from the Hufflepuffs rose and fell like a tidal wave as Dumbledore raised his hands to silence them.  
  
"Representing Ravenclaw will be Miss Padma Patil." There were a few cat-calls and cheers for Padma Patil.  
  
"Our Slytherin representative will be Mr. Draco Malfoy," The Slytherins erupted into a cacophony of hoots, yells and whistles, taking quite a while to calm down. They were ignoring Dumbledore's effort to gain control, but calmed down after a few minutes.  
  
"And finally, Miss Hermione Granger of..." His voice was lost in the roar of Gryffindor lions as they took their turn to shower Hermione with praise and to out-do Slytherin.  
  
As the crowd finally calmed down, Dumbledore said his usual "Tuck in" and the usual plethora of food appeared on the tables. Hermione looked up to answer Dean Thomas' inquiry as to how her summer was, but found herself looking past him into the steely blue depths of Draco's eyes.  
  
'Oh God, she's looking at me. What do I do?!' Draco's eyes darted around nervously before her turned and shot her his smirk, turning to talk with Blaise and acting like nothing had happened on the train to Hogwarts.  
  
"I've got him now," chuckled Hermione as she reached to get some more spotted dick.  
  
"Wa Mi-ne?" Ron asked through a mouthful of food, spewing mashed potatoes across his and Hermione's plate.  
  
"Nothing," her nose wrinkled in disgust. "Ron, step one: chew. Step two: swallow. Step three: talk." He regarded her for a minute, shrugged, and shoveled more food into his cavernous stomach.  
  
Harry laughed. 'Not even here an hour and they are already fighting. Some things never change.' He shook his head ruefully and piled food onto his plate.

Hermione gasped as she walked into her new room. It had deep, rich, sheer purple drapes trimmed with silver and gold satin artfully gracing her only window, which showed a view of the courtyard. Her four poster bed had a beautiful duvet of plum velvet, with a slightly lighter purple underside, a gold H was sewn into the middle of the blanket, reminding her that she was a Co-Head of Hogwarts. Her plush, off-white carpeting was so soft; she had to feel what it was like to lay down on it. She giggled like a little girl, dropped to her knees and fell face-down onto the carpet.  
  
"It really is soft!" Hermione said into the carpet, muffling her words. Just as she rolled over onto her back, a shadow covered her. She apprehensively looked up into the steel blue eyes of her new bathroom- buddy. 

* * *

**Okay, cats. What do you guys think? Thanks for the reviews - they make me and Suz SO HAPPY. Words cannot express how thankful we are to have such awesome people review! Okay. Let's get down to it. Thanks **lunacherub, ObSsEsSeD **(Mione is the perfect seductress, am I right or what?), **V0xLoS **(Yeah. Hermione's a bit crazy in that department. Oh, well. When you're desperate, you're desperate.)**, invisible2u, IHeartDrakieRonnie **(Hermione's gotten much bolder, yes. But it's better that way, I agree. She can't be a bookworm forever! Draco's getting there...::grin::)**, chocl8chps **(Cute-ass username, I must say!)**, Kate **(Hermione's not a rapist! She's just a tease. XP)**, Healy **(Oh, Healy! Huzzah! You totally rock my socks off. Thanks for reviewing!)**, NisaNisa **(Wow. So, even if it turns into the crappiest story ever, you'll read it? Very cool.)**, **and **fictiongurl**. If we totally forgot you, sorry. We really love your comments. **

**New thing: When you review (and you_ will_), tell us a story. Funny, sad, just tell us a story. It'll be cooler that way. **

**Until next time - **

**3 Chels and Suz 3**


	4. Chapter 4

_R is for Raunchy  
_D/Hr  
Summary: As Hermione doesn't recieve the honor of becoming the next Head Girl, she decides to rebel, and becomes a bit...saucy.  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling, plot belongs to us.

**Chapter 4**

Draco's blue steel eyes pierced through her and she could clearly see he was angry. Hermione was nervous; she had never seen this look sketched on his face before.  
  
'I've got to play it cool,' she thought to herself as she held out her hands, willing him to take them, using a helpless-damsel-in-distress look.  
  
Draco rolled his eyes and grasped Hermione's hands in his, pulled her to her feet and quickly glanced down her top.  
  
"Fall over, Hermione?" Draco sneered; unsuccessfully ignoring the shivers he felt when she grabbed his shoulders to stabilize herself.  
  
"No, Draco, in fact, I just felt like feeling the floor." She said, hating how dumb she sounded. "It's quite nice, you know. You should try it sometime. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to unpack before tomorrow morning." She gasped, much to her great dislike, as he moved his hands to her waist so she didn't sway.  
  
"I'll, um, help you," Draco said as he shuffled to her trunk, feeling the carped squish between his toes.  
  
'She's quite right. This carpet is the softest I've ever felt.' He thought, mentally noting to take off his shoes before ever entering her room.  
  
Hermione didn't have time to say "Expelliarmus!" before he had opened her trunk and began magically putting away her clothes neatly in the drawers of her beautiful dark oak armoire, lazily twitching his wrist.  
  
"Erm... Draco... I can unpack myself...Um..." said Hermione desperately, trying to defer him from unpacking her things. "Hmm. What have we here?" Draco drawled while smirking coyly at Hermione. He bent over and stuck his hand into the trunk, slowly pulling out a black thong, adorned with lace.  
  
"My, my, Miss Granger! Aren't we just a little vixen? And black no less! You know, Hermione, black lingerie is always bought with the notion that someone will see it." He said, making Hermione assume he had had the pleasure of seeing many pairs of lacy black thongs.  
  
"Shut up, Draco." Hermione snapped angrily and reached for the panties, snatching them out of his grasp and roughly shoving them under her duvet. A blush that had started at the tip of her nose had spread rapidly, spreading out past her cheeks and up towards her scalp, but plunged under her shirt secretively. Hermione turned to finish unpacking and gasped inwardly. 'Oh my God, I cannot believe fucking Draco Malfoy just fucking touched my fucking underwear!' she seethed. 'I will never wash... what am I saying? Ew, Draco just saw my thong.' She corrected herself, glancing at him, trying to suppress a shudder, but failing miserably.  
  
"Okay, then. If you're that keen about wanting me to leave, I'll go help Padma unpack." Draco shrugged, knowing Padma was a prize slut of Ravenclaw. He'd bed her within minutes, and he'd enjoy doing it, too.  
  
Hermione felt a pang of hurt and jealousy. She knew Padma was a slut, and it was weird, but she didn't want Draco to be with another girl. "Draco, wait!" she said hastily, grabbing his forearm. "You can stay. I guess I could use some help."  
  
'I've got her right where I want her.' He thought maliciously as he turned to walk back to the trunk.

Hermione sat later that night in her four poster bed, covered sloppily in a purple bed sheet, not being to sleep, thinking of the days events.  
  
"Why the hell did I do that? What ever possessed me to act like that with Draco? I've got to get him off my mind." Her mattress groaned as she got up and walked to her armoire to take a relaxing potion. She shuffled back into her bed and slipped the silky sheet over her body. She pulled over the duvet cover, and grinned when a lacy black thong fell onto the floor. She picked it up, slid it under her pillow and fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**Well! What a pleasant surprise. Sorry for not updating yesterday. I was very caught up in not being able to stay in one spot for one moment because of HARRY POTTER! Oh, my God. What a positively orgasmic experience. Am I right or what?! le sigh Anyway. Reviews.**

**I'm only mentioning the ones who reviewed for Chapter 3 because I'm lazy and I don't want to check who I've mentioned or not. So, if you want to be mentioned, review the previous chapter. Yeah. Anyway!**

Tina (Hah! I remember your story. It was the fucking A, dude.)  
oreo69not96 (Sorry about not mentioning you. I didn't see your review until after I posted the next chapter!)  
chocl8chps (Hah! Excellent story. I must say, what a dumb kid)  
R is for keep wRiting (Oh, man. I wish that story was my reality. I'd be the luckiest girl_ ever_. God damn.)  
naughty-chipmunk (Aw, man. That totally sucks ass. Well, at least I got your positive message. :D)  
Rial (Why thank you!)  
SuperStar4eva88 (Fine, then. grumble)  
fictiongurl (Thank you!)  
IHeartDrakkieRonnie (God damn. Your username is fucking awesome. It makes me so happy.)  
Moviesavvy (Mmm...Pirates of the Caribbean. Total sex. Anyway. Thank you!)  
ObSsEsSeD (Merci beaucoup!)  
Mystical Myuki (God damn! That sucks! AHH! THE EMBARASSMENT OF IT ALL! dies)  
ginnygal189 (Melissa. You and your tango-ing habits! We really need to get you some counselling, do you hear? Sheesh. I love you!)  
FeltonsGirl (AHH! I'm Felton's girl, too! He's totally hot and fucking sexy. So, a little kid is comparing you to a hot and sexy, yet bad character. So what if it's a boy? I'd take it as a total compliment.)  
SpectroSilver (Nope. You gotta wait for the action! Sorry :( )  
ss (Thanks!)

**Well. Now that THAT'S over with. Your stories really made me laugh a bit. Anyway. This time, talk about PoA and it's total glory and it's total sexiness. What was your favorite scene? **

**Right. Suz tells me that spotted dick is some sort of breakfast food in England, like a dough thing that's filled with jelly. shrug**

**Remember to review! **

**3 Chels and Suz 3**


	5. Chapter 5

_R is for Raunchy_  
D/Hr  
Summary: As Hermione doesn't recieve the honor of becoming the next Head Girl, she decides to rebel, and becomes a bit...saucy.

**Chapter 5**

"Oy! Hermione! Here! Sit here!" Harry called to Hermione, watching her helplessly search through the crowd of students rushing to their tables.  
  
"Oh, bother. Where are they?" She muttered, her eyes squinting, trying to find them. Just then she saw Ron's vivid hair and freckled face at least a foot above than the younger kids around him. She heaved a sigh of relief and hurriedly walked toward them, squeezing through cliques of younger kids, muttering, "Excuse me...um...yeah... 'scuse me." When she finally arrived beside Harry and Ron, she situated her books and herself in her usual spot between them, helping herself to some pumpkin juice and toast.  
  
"Harry? Aren't you eating today?" Hermione looked at his plate, worried, lines etched in her face. All that was on his large plate was a piece of toast.  
  
"Quidditch match today, Mione, against Hufflepuff. Did you forget?" he looked at her, his eyes glittering in annoyance and Hermione thought she caught a glimpse of hurt in there, too, but it vanished as soon as it appeared, so she thought nothing of it.  
  
'How could she forget Quidditch? She loved watching me play.' He thought. His forehead creased as he mulled over this startling revelation in his head.  
  
"No I didn't..." Hermione started, but when she glanced at his face, she sighed dejectedly. "Yes, Harry. I admit to it, I forgot all about your Quidditch match. I'm really, truly sorry. Will you ever forgive me?" she asked innocently as she played with her hair and batted her eyelashes.  
  
"Y-yes, I forgive you." Harry was completely befuddled by her actions. She was acting like a bloody Muggle prude school-girl-whose-daddy-buys-her-everything. Then she leaned in and gave him a swift kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Good, because you know I hate it when you're mad at me." She smiled and turned her focus to her toast. Humming cheerfully thinking about how great the year is going so far, she had no idea two pairs of jealous blue eyes were flashing at Harry.

"You coming down to warm up, Harry?" Ron asked dully, shuffling down the stairs outside the Great Hall to the Quidditch pitch, nearly tripping as he looked back to see Harry shake his head, his black, untamable mane flopping around carelessly.  
  
"No, you go on. I need to talk with Hermione, but I'll be down later." Harry called down to Ron, swallowing a lump of nervousness that had lodged itself in his throat, constricting it and making it quite difficult for him to breathe, let alone talk. He attempted a smile to reassure Ron and turned around, oblivious to the angry flush Ron had recently acquired.

"Harry! Sorry for my delay, I got stuck behind some lost first years. What did you want to talk about?" Hermione asked curiously, inclining her head to look at him. In one swift motion, she linked arms with him and started walking down toward the front doors with him, clearly aiming to have a nice stroll on the grounds, maybe stopping to see Hagrid. Unfortunately, they never reached the doors. Harry glanced around and pulled Hermione into an empty broom closet and quickly followed suite.  
  
"Er...Harry? What was that for?" she asked nervously.  
  
"Hermione...I...er...well, I just wanted to know. Yeah, you know. Um...what happened on the, um...train yesterday...were you being serious?" he asked, hastily adding, "Well what I mean is...um...would-you-like-to-go-out-with-me- sometime?" Harry finished in one breath, inhaling sharply and exhaling in relief as his legs threatened to give out.  
  
"Well, Harry, to tell you the truth, I'm kind of already seeing someone." Hermione said, feeling horrible.  
  
'What are you doing?! Don't lie! He's your best friend!' she couldn't tell if Harry was listening, he wasn't staring directly at her eyes. She continued anyway.  
  
"Well, you see, the thing is I just...don't know if I want to risk our relationsh..." Harry cut her off with a full-frontal, lip-locking assault.

Hermione stood, rooted to the ground in shock.  
  
'What in the bloody hell is going on?! Was he listening to anything I said?!' she thought, inwardly steaming. 'I mean, I have Draco, right? Well...maybe. But I definitely won't have him if I'm snogging Harry! But it does feel rather nice and relaxing...'  
  
After a minute of standing in complete shock and looking rather dumb, Hermione shoved Harry off her violently, smashing the back of her had to her lips and dragging it across them fervently.  
  
"HARRY JAMES POTTER! I WAS NOT IN ANY MOOD TO BE SNOGGED TO DEATH!" she shrieked brutally, bringing her palm to his cheek with such force, his neck cracked as it whipped around. "N-NOW YOU GO AND THINK ABOUT W-WHAT YOU J-JUST DID!" Hermione was shaking with rage and embarrassment. She opened the door aggressively and slammed it in his face, and he could hear her stomping off to her common room, muttering furiously and probably sporting a tomato-red blush.  
  
Harry stood, frozen, his head still twisted from The Slap. Had he read the signs wrong, or something? He questioned himself. His mind quickly diverted back to one subject as he gingerly stroked his cheek: she had refused him.

* * *

**Oh, yeah. You know it was coming. Seriously, though, kids. _This is not going to be H/Hr_**_. _**We're not _that_ mean. XD Well...yeah. Before we get caught up in the fact that maybe, perhaps, we are mean-spirited children, let's go right on to the reviews, shall we?**

oreo69not96 - (Hah. You crazy kahoot)  
sweet-77-thang - (Thank you!)  
Themorriganthree - (How dare you suggest such a horrible thing! Of course it's not the end, silly goose XD)  
ginnygirl189 - (Good God, Melissa. You're totally my hero. Yeah. Fred George = Total Sexx. With two "x"'s, because God damn, they're worth it. XD I'M SO EXCITED FOR WHEN YOU GET BACK FROM FLORIDA. We're going to have a blast. Period. Thanks for reviewing!)  
fgfds - (Thanks! Shuddup, you sick-minded freak!)  
scholcomp25 - (Merci! Just thought a touch of French might liven up the place a bit.)  
spectrosilver - (Hah. Yeah...Suz has been pressuring me to update everyday. It's actually more like nagging, really...but you know. Get some sleep!)  
Moviesavvy - (Glad we could help in your time of desparate need!)  
MesTupKiD - (Thanks :D)  
IHeartDrakkieRonnie - (I love typing that username. It brings joy to my heart. XP)  
  
**Well, well. Look at the time...hmm. What to ask you to review with...how about...your favorite Harry Potter book. Mine's the OotP and then PoA. Suz likes GoF and OotP. Yeah. The end XD**

**Remember to review!!  
  
3 Chels and Suz 3**


	6. Chapter 6

_R is for Raunchy  
_D/Hr  
Summary: As Hermione doesn't recieve the honor of becoming the next Head Girl, she decides to rebel, and becomes a bit...saucy.  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling, plot belongs to us.

**Chapter 6**

Hermione half-ran down the hallway, her robes flowing gracefully behind her, despite the mood she was in. She was livid and wanted to kill someone. After an intense bout of fist clenching, she decided that she should go get some chocolate and not get sent to Azkaban. She nodded, turned around and headed for the kitchens, despite what she believed about House Elf abuse. She needed chocolate now, damn it!  
  
As soon as she tickled the pear, she heard a squeaky voice call up to her. "Miss! Dobby is always happy to see Miss! Can Dobby get anything for Miss?" Dobby squeaked, his eyes sparkling in anticipation. He rocked back and forth on his feet, clearly excited.  
  
"Anything Dobby, anything at all. Anything _you_ want to get for me." Hermione plopped down onto the stool by the fireplace. She sighed dejectedly and sniffled, but quickly slapped on a mask of delight as Dobby hopped over to her, his face wide and smiling, with a huge platter of Honeyduke's best chocolates.  
  
Hermione dove in without waiting for Dobby to set the platter down. Dobby gave a little squeak of surprise and carefully, while Hermione was chewing, slid the platter onto the soot-covered fireplace. Hermione mumbled a quick "Thank you" and continued to shovel rich chocolate into her mouth.  
  
Hermione finished the platter in a record of 8 minutes. She sat with a dreamy and distant expression on her face, her eyes half closed as she sucked the melted chocolate from her fingers. Her eyes widened in shock as she looked at the shining platter and widened even more as she looked down to her stomach.  
  
'Oh, my God.' Hermione thought, her jaw hanging. 'I have been half-starving myself on my new diet for two months. And I ruined it all by shoveling chocolates into my mouth. I hate me.' Tears welled in her eyes as she ran her finger around the platter to collect forgotten chocolate shavings. She heard a quiet squeak and quickly wiped away her tears and painted a huge grin on her face. When she thought she looked believable, she brought her head up and was face-to-face with another House Elf.   
"Winky!" Hermione squealed. Winky bowed down to the ground, her long nose brushing the dirt floor.  
"Miss! Dobby said you was here, but Winky did not believe him. Oh it's so good to see Miss!" She exclaimed as she moved up to hug Hermione around the thighs. She looked so different from the last time she saw Winky. Winky was now happy and at home in the kitchens.  
  
"Oh, Winky! I'm so happy that you've adjusted so well! I knew you would." Hermione beamed like a proud parent. "Good of you to visit, Miss, but Winky must go back to prepare for lunch."  
  
"It was very nice to see you, Winky! I'll try to come down more often!" Hermione hiccupped as she licked her lips, savoring the last bit of chocolate.  
  
"Miss," Dobby had reappeared behind her, handing her a smaller box of chocolates, to which Hermione snatched from his hands and cradled them. "Not to be rude, Miss, but shouldn't you be going? You is missing the Quidditch match." He nodded knowing that Hermione loved to watch Harry and Ron play.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I'd better get going. Thanks for the chocolates!" Hermione called back to Dobby's retreating figure as she walked out the painting's door. When she was halfway to the Quidditch pitch, she stopped short and said to herself, "Bloody hell, I don't want to go to the Quidditch match! Harry's playing! How embarrassing."  
  
Hermione walked quickly back to the castle and headed towards her dorm, the tears falling down her cheeks. 'I know these cheeks will be bigger soon. Damn you, chocolate!' she thought, sobbing, her whole body twitching. She was very confused and she needed someone to talk to very badly. She straightened up as she thought of the only person with whom she could confide in. And that person was Draco Malfoy. She wiped her tears and gave a watery laugh. 'Yes, of course!' she thought. 'Draco's not playing Quidditch today, so I'll tell him!' She gave a jump start and rushed toward their common room, sniffling and trying to calm down enough to get her story out right.  
  
"Faerie Fire." She whispered to the portrait of a beautiful ballerina, stretching out her arms, desperate for comfort, yearning to be held in his strong arms. She laughed inwardly because Hermione Granger was going to get the comfort and stability from Draco Malfoy, who was going to help her sort out her life. As the portrait door swung open, she straightened and gave a little nod of her head. As she confidently walked into their common room, she called, "Draco! Dra-a- aco-o-o! Dra...!" she gasped and felt her stomach drop and a strong blush overcome her as she tried to look away.

* * *

**Hey. Welcome back to me and Susan! We haven't been collaborating recently, due to my lack of being on the computer and her lack of being in Germany. So! As always, we've updated. We always will, darlings! We couldn't leave you hanging. Well, we have before, so who knows! **

**Reviewers: Thank you very much because without you, we wouldn't have come this far!**

MesTupKiD - thank you muchly so. And yes, it was funny? As in a question, because I'm not quite sure.  
NisaNisa - You're a sweet kid, dear. I hope it always rocks. Now I'm nervous. ::nervous::  
IHeartDrakkieRonnie - Dear Lord, you've invaded my mind. I love Harry. He's too sexy for his own God damn good. You make _me_ happy because you reviewed! Again!! "Um, are Draco and Herm ever gonna make it to the sack? lol, j/k" LOL, JK?!?! You disgrace me. Of _course_ they'll get there. After some disasterous events. ::maniacal laughter::  
beebopodiggity - Thanks!  
PotterBabe - Thank you!  
chocl8chps - Quite alright. Yeah. Harry rocks.  
slytherin-princess - Hot damn you sound cool. We all wish we were Hermione. It's just someone we'd love to be. Harry and Draco. Y Como!!  
ObSsEsSeD - Haha. I hope it was a "Wow" in a good way. Yeah. Big-headed Harry is my baby, though. ::snuggle:: Oh, she'll get with Draco. Tom is ultimate sexiness. TO THE MAX.  
Moviesavvy - I would have slapped him, too. Except not. Because Harry's hot. Yeah. ::nod::  
ginnygal189 - OH MY MAN, MELISSA! That's what I was thinking when I wrote it! We rock. And your grades couldn't have been worse than mine. You should've seen my math grade. And my parent's reaction. So, in conclusion; WE NEED TO SEE HARRY POTTER. I should call you just for the hell of it. Je t'aime, mon amour.  
Apollonia2 - Oh, yeah. Thanks!  
sakuraangel90 - Oh, it did hurt. Hehe.  
FeltonsGirl - It is. Because it means you're hot. Yeah. Tom had better look hot in the next film because if he doesn't, I'll cry.  
ShadowAllured - Man, you rock. You're so cool. I enjoyed reading your reviews because they make me happy XD

**Well! Sorry if we missed you because...yeah. That'd suck. Have fun and we will most definately update soon. **

**3 Chels and Suz 3**


	7. Chapter 7

_R is for Raunchy  
_D/Hr  
Summary: As Hermione doesn't recieve the honor of becoming the next Head Girl, she decides to rebel, and becomes a bit...saucy.  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling, plot belongs to us.

**Chapter 7**

Hermione giggled nervously and looked away. "Sorry Draco, I didn't mean to interrupt." Draco grunted and sat up, smoothing his hair back. To Hermione's great surprise, the porky body that was lying naked on the couch was Pansy, a seventh year Slytherin. Still avoiding eye contact with either of them, she stammered, "I-if you're not, um, careful...I'll have to um, deduct um...whatsits from your house. Points. That's it. Now, if you'll excuse me..." and with that she turned on her heel and walked rather quickly out of the common room. Draco shrugged and made an animal noise, smoothly smothering a giggling Pansy with kisses.  
  
Hermione was crying. She didn't know exactly why. 'It's not as if I'm enamored with Draco or anything!' she thought, brushing away the tears that were violently cascading down her cheeks. 'It's all this bloody chocolate. That's what's making me so emotional.' She nodded and ran to the only other place she could think of, even if it meant explaining and other various means of torture.  
  
"Why, Miss Granger! I haven't seen you in forever!" the Fat Lady said conversationally. Hermione quickly said, "Yes, I know. I've missed you very much. Violet Petal." The Fat Lady grumbled a bit, but swung open her door nonetheless. Hermione covered her ears and stifled a squeak as the music and immense talking and singing blasted her ears. She recovered rather quickly and went up to a fourth year and shouted, "Excuse me. EXCUSE ME! Yes...have you seen Harry Potter? No, you goose! Not Larry Motter...HARRY POTTER. Yes, the Boy-Who-Lived. Thank you." Hermione was annoyed and was getting a headache. She bopped over to where the fourth year had pointed, and unfortunately, it was the place where the crowd was the thickest.  
  
"HARRY! HAAARRY!" she shouted over and over. After trodding on a few people's feet, and of course apologizing afterwards, she found Harry. "Harry! You don't know how hard it's been to find you! It's a zoo in here, a real..." she couldn't finish, as Harry deftly picked her up by her hips and swung her around and around. In fact, she was getting quite dizzy. "Harry! You buffoon! Let me down! Can I talk to you in private? Please?!" Harry nodded, looking a little concerned.  
  
As they headed out the portrait door, Hermione's ears were ringing. It was getting annoying.  
  
"Harry...I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I panicked when you kissed me. I just was so confused and I didn't know what to do. Can you forgive me?" she looked up into his emerald green eyes, tears clinging to her eyelashes. She sniffled a bit.  
  
'She looks so pretty like that.' Harry thought. 'Even though she's in a great deal of pain, she looks so vulnerable.'  
  
"Of course I forgive you, Mione. Everything will be just fine." He was surprised when she flung her arms around his neck. He nervously settled his arms around her waist. She looked up at him, tentatively balanced on her toes, and brought her lips up to his. He returned the favor by nibbling on her lower lip. She broke the kiss and smiled at him.  
  
"You know, Harry, I do think I'll be alright."

* * *

**You know what? That was pathetically short. Suz and I figured out my editing problem: I always find cliffies or what-not and I end it right there. Just because I do. So, I'm sorry, and maybe I'll post the other half tonight. Because you guys are worth it!**

**Reviews!!**

SlytherinGoddess69 - You're such a sweetie!  
lildaisygirl24 - Your ideas were better than ours. I would have laughed if Draco was just sitting there, naked and reading a newspaper. Were you surprised?  
spectrosilver - ::cringes:: This one's even shorter. I hope you don't kill me ::gets worried::  
Helen - Haha. Thank you, darling.  
hotpinkflamingo - Sweet ass pen name. Yeah. Chocolate rocks! YEAH!  
Rial - Ahh! You're just like my friend Kendra. She's hyperactive, too. But I still love her!  
dracolegolaslvr87 - I'm sure you did!! Thank you, you've made us happy :)  
Silent-Serpent - Ahha!!! She is very moody, isn't she? She'll get moodier. But no, she's not preggies.  
khuu-khuu - Yeah. :(  
ObSsEsSeD - Haha he is!!!! I'm just like ::jaw drops and saliva forms and falls to ground::  
oreo69not96 - Quite alright. Thank you! Do you ever get that feeling of nervousness or something and your stomach feels like it drops? It happens to me frequently regarding hot boys.  
R is for keep wRiting - AHH! That sucks major ass. Lo siento. Nice story. I'd read it ::blush::  
ginnygal189 - Aw, shucks, Melissa! ::blush:: I was thinking of Lupin, too. In that LJ thing...the PoA in 15 minutes? Yeah. That's what I was thinking about. ::giggle::  
Commodores R Ppl 2 - ::bows:: Yes, Master. Just kidding. Thankies!  
Amitee - Of course!!

**Thanks guys! We're close to 100 reviews ::crosses fingers:: Let's get 'em! Alright. Enough of me being annoying. And more of you reviewing! That's right! REVIEW! Man, am I bossy or _what_?!**

**XoXo3Chels and Suz3oXoX**


	8. Chapter 8

_R is for Raunchy  
_D/Hr  
Summary: As Hermione doesn't recieve the honor of becoming the next Head Girl, she decides to rebel, and becomes a bit...saucy.  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling, plot belongs to us.

**Chapter 8**

Harry smiled back and grasped Hermione's hand and yanked her back inside the portrait door. She gasped in surprise and started to laugh. 'Much better, I must say!' Hermione thought while following Harry, who was weaving in and out of people. 'I'm having a splendid time.'  
  
Harry pulled her forward and handed her a shot of Fire Whiskey. He laughed and handed it to her. "Here, Mione. Try to catch up a bit." He downed the shot he was holding in his hand and whooped like a madman. Hermione giggled nervously.  
  
'Time for some reasoning.' Hermione thought. 'Now. I could have a splendid time with Harry and Ron if I drink this shot. But I could go crazy and I've never been insanely drunk, so I don't know how I'd act. Not like one little shot can get me insanely drunk, but you never know. But suppose I don't drink it. I'll be called who knows what and I'll be ostracized forever! Well, not forever. Just until everybody's hangover goes away. Oh, bloody hell. I'm drinking it.' She nodded and swallowed the shot and gave a whoop similar to Harry's. Her throat was burning, but she liked it.  
  
"Harry. Give me another shot."

* * *

Hermione was giggling like a crazy drunken schoolgirl. This, oddly enough, was what she was just now. She stumbled upon Ron, who was singing "We Are the Champions" and giggling just like Hermione. 'Funny,' Hermione thought. 'Ron's not a girl. But he's acting like a girl!' This set Hermione off into another fit of giggles.  
  
Ron had spotted Hermione, who was downing her fourth shot. "Mi-ne...Mi- ne!" He stumbled up to her and was centimeters away from her face. He was looking intently into it, almost to a point where one would have called it staring. Suddenly, he grasped her hand and was pumping it up and down. "Mi- ne! What a pleasant surprise! It's such a joy to find you here. When did you arrive? I must have just missed you. I'm 'aving a jolly good time, love. Absolutely, fabulous SMASHING good time! I hope you're faring as well." He said, swaying from side to side.  
  
Hermione looked at him sternly. Although she was drunk, she wasn't too drunk to realize that Ron needed to have his glass taken away from him. "Leave it to you to use nice long words when you're smashed. Honestly Ron, how many drinks have you had? Come on. Give us the glass; I think you've had quite enough to drink for one night." She reached for his glass as he went to drink it, but he pulled it away and held it high above her head.  
  
"I've not had enough 'til the party's over. And the party's not over 'til the Fat Lady sings. And she, my darling Hermione, just keeps letting people in. She's Gryffindor's own personal bouncer and," he put a hand to his ear as if he was trying to hear something, "I don't hear any singing." He finished off his drink and waddled off through the crowd giggling again.  
  
Hermione shook her head and tutted. 'Ron'll get us all in trouble, that drunken bastard.' She grumbled and downed her fifth and sixth shots. She became pleasantly drunk. She was just drunk enough to trip and knock over a group of scared looking first years. Screaming with laughter, Ron came and tried to help her up, but being heavily intoxicated himself, fell on top of her.  
  
"Asses, asses, they all fall DOWN!" Hermione belted, wildly screeching with laughter. Both of them, laughing their heads off crawled over to the boys' stairs and sat side by side, clutching their sides.  
  
Harry swayed back and forth like a sailor as he moved toward his friends, bumping into Ginny and patting her on the head as he went. By now, they were all in stitches. Ron moved off to get more alcohol, saying in a thick Arnold Schwarzenegger accent, "I'll be back" And went off giggling. Hermione and Harry, left alone, decided to cautiously climb the stairs that led up to the boys' dormitories, singing the alphabet song as they went.

* * *

**That's a little better, don't you think? I do, anyway. But it really matters what _you_ think. Since I've had no reviews, I don't need to thank anybody! HAH! TAKE THAT! Just kidding!!**

**xoxo3 Chels and Suz 3xoxo**


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